i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
