I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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