She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
