he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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