Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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