um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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