So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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