Betty ford says i'm here all night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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