SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
