Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
