i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
