Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
