Nicole vs. Life
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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