I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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