I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
