At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
