wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
