I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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