Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
