1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
