How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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