i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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