Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
