oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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