if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My vagina is officially offended.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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