I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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