Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
