throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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