before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
