the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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