A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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