is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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