I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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