Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we're making bets on your personal life
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
