The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
from now on my penis is your penis
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
