For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
