You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
