I wannas sexs uuuuu
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
