If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
