he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
