hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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