All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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