Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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