You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
