I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I have post one night stand depression
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
