I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
