So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
