The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
