theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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