Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I have post one night stand depression
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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