I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
