you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
