i think my tv is drunk
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
