His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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