I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
