so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
