someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
