can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
nutella sex= disaster
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
