Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
