are you still at the devil's house?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
